Dining and Feeding In the Age of Food Fascists

Time to inject some more sanity into our modern world, fellas.

Recently, the Booby warned you about new-age religious zealots, especially those who hide like cowards behind white lab coats (see here). Today some of the most self-righteous church ladies (whether male or female) gravitate toward the alter of public health to find sinners at whom they can wave their holy fingers, and delight in their own piety.

“Eggs are evil!”, they say. “No wait, eggs are good after all. Eat more eggs!”, they say. “No wait, eggs are evil after all!”, they say. And they say and they say and they say (see here).

These people never shut up. Not the career-serving and publicity-seeking scientists and “professional” associations, who constantly push the state to enforce their agendas, and of course, fund their studies, careers, and organizations (see here, here, and here); not the church ladies who consume every righteous word from the public health high priests, so they may wag those holy fingers; not the lowlifes in the mainstream media, whose ratings and careers depend upon keeping the church ladies constantly fed with the latest exposé of gastronomic sin; not even ordinary people, who just can’t help themselves when the opportunity arises to repeat the sermons un-skeptically retold on network news.

Of course, nor can pop culture help itself but pander enthusiastically to the moral majority. By producing and celebrating fraudulent films based on idiotic premises. Oh, for example, like Supersize Me (see here). Pop culture happily provides yet another rationalization for our modern puritans to indulge in masturbatory sanctimony.

Look, unless you’ve acquired a taste for arsenic or some other pure poison, nothing you eat is going to “kill you”. What matters is simply common sense, something that has long since been drained from the academic world, and has never existed in the first place among the moral majority.

So come. Eat with the Booby.

Common Sense Rule 1: Balance in Choices

It’s time to leave the vampires and tarantulas of the self-appointed public health ministries behind. We all have common sense, and we are all pretty much aware, consciously or subconsciously, if we’re not doing ourselves right.

If you eat nothing but meat and potatoes, say, you have a problem. No lab coat-wearing publicity whore is needed to declare that from Oprah’s interview chair. You probably know it yourself. The problem isn’t a lack of sermons and finger-wagging, it’s a lack of self-control and self-discipline.

The good news is self-enriching skills can be honed and improved over time. Meanwhile, let’s snicker at the notion that meat and potatoes are evil unto themselves. We don’t have to give up what we love. We just find a better balance. One who avoids vegetables can seek out and find one he likes, maybe two. He can try as many as is necessary. Hell, there are ways of cooking vegetables that can make them more palatable to most any taste.

As for you self-disciplinarian beginners, expand your diet and find new things you like, along with some you will merely tolerate. By doing this you are acting on your own behalf, not upon that of food Nazis or the moral majority. Nope, just for the one person who is genuinely concerned about you: you. Now enjoy that pork chop, along with a baked potato, and throw in your favourite new vegetable.

Common Sense Rule 2: Cook According To Your Abilities and Needs

The Booby’s not going to lie to you, fellas. Some people love to cook. Some people hate it. Those who love it all-too-often cast derision upon those who don’t, considering them lazy, while forgetting that cooking is a passion, and for them isn’t work but a joy.

That’s why the Booby advises you to “cook according to your abilities and needs”. Anyone can scramble a few eggs in a pan with some butter. It’s not hard, and takes almost no time. Instead of making a salad, if such endeavours are unpleasant to you, crack a bag of raw veggies, perhaps with your favourite dip. It’s easy. So easy, that if you can’t even do that then consider the possibility that you really are lazy.

Photo by Jakub Kapusnak

On the other hand, if you love to cook then do it to your heart’s content. That pan of scrambled eggs can become a tasty omelette. A jicama salad with a homemade dressing beats a veggie platter and thousand island dressing any day. Obviously, as someone who enjoys cooking you have a natural advantage over your less talented peers, but that’s life. We play with the hand we’re dealt. Again, your abilities and your needs.

Just as importantly, your goal should not be to eat the most idealized diet that some high priest in a lab coat dictates to the unwashed masses. Your goal should be to simply get your nutrition, enjoy your food, and not bankrupt yourself in the process…. which brings us to the next application of common sense.

Common Sense Rule 3: Know When to Eat Out

As we’ve discussed, cooking and preparing food is a skill, and an important skill. There are numerous reasons why many of you do not possess this skill. Are you too busy juggling multiple jobs? Are you too afraid to learn? Is the attraction of a labour-free meal at a restaurant too seductive?

When you think about “cooking versus eating out” in a logical manner you can reach your own personal happy medium.

Obviously, we already covered the importance of self-discipline in terms of food choices. However, there is also the matter of food sources. In other words, homemade or prepared by others.

One of the most common reasons why people eat out is time. In the modern world people can be damn busy, whether they’re business owners or are juggling multiple part-time jobs. You have to decide whether eating out is beneficial to the maintenance of your employment and financial success, or conversely whether it is draining the meagre income you’re bringing in.

Just how busy both your lifestyle and work life should be is a decision you have to make for yourself. But let’s say you’re pulling in six figures a year, and are personally OK with those late nights and working weekends, then it probably makes sense for you to eat out more than the average fella. It’s not cheap, but we’re assuming your income can handle it.

Now, if you’re pulling in just the average or just the median wage, or even less than that, then eating out regularly is something that will slowly cripple you financially, and prevent you from achieving your goal of financial independence. This isn’t to say you can never eat out, but doing so needs to be occasional, and enjoyed as a treat, as opposed to as a way of life.

For the latter fella, this austerity may not sit well, especially if he obsesses over the lifestyles of the more affluent, but as the Booby has already said we have to play our best game with the cards we were dealt.

In the final analysis, we of the Western World are quite fortunate. Even the poorest has rarely experienced true hunger. Watch the satisfied savagery with which a hungry cheetah – having gone for too many days without a successful kill – resorts to devouring a piece of some decaying carcass it managed to scavenge. True hunger makes anything taste good.

Photo: Ecotraining

On the other hand, work for just one day behind the scenes in a five-star restaurant. You will see people reject food that 99% of the people in the world could not afford, and 75% could not imagine, and relegate it to the trash.

Food is a joy; decadence a burden. We should absolutely relish every opportunity we get to fill the void, but also remain our own masters. We won’t live forever, so we needn’t bother counting every calorie, and we needn’t heed those who hate us for the pleasure so many of us derive from life. Still, keep future goals and the bigger picture in mind. We are self-educated, after all.



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